An open letter to “That Guy”

 

EMILY SHANE

MANAGING EDITOR

It is 11:30 p.m. on Wednesday and as Drake would say, my “hotline blings.” And I know it can only mean one thing.

There’s no hey, what’s up or hello. Just the weekly “would you like to hang out?” from this person.   

I’ll get to my answer soon enough, but first, I have some questions for you.

Don’t you have any respect for me? Yes, it’s flattering that you ask; a little external validation never hurt anyone. However, the one time I texted first, you weren’t very responsive. The effort you put in does not extend beyond a one sentence text.

Do you think I’m just going to be available because you decided that you want to “hang out?” At 11:30 p.m. on a Wednesday, I could be doing homework, thinking about The Denisonian, watching Netflix or hanging out with friends at The Bandersnatch. It’s not important what I was doing. You expect me to be willing to come to your dorm at the drop of a hat.

I can tell by your lack of grammar, spelling and friends who’ve seen you, that most of these Wednesday texts were drunkenly composed. Now, I understand occasionally wanting liquid courage, but I don’t think that’s the case here.

If you don’t like me enough to text me when you’re sober, then I like sober you even less than I like drunk you.

This leads me to my next question: aren’t you embarrassed? Yes, we might have had a DFMO or two. Last year. It’s almost halfway through the semester and we have yet to talk in person. I’m pretty sure if we ran into each other in Slayter it would not be a pleasant conversation. We might not even acknowledge one another.

When we text, I am always the one to stop responding. You keep texting on Wednesdays, and I keep saying I’m busy. What’s the saying about doing the same thing and expecting different results?

The problem isn’t that you text on Wednesday at 11:30 p.m. Or that you want to casually hook-up. The reason I will probably never say yes is that nothing about your texts suggests that you have any respect for me.

So here’s my answer: an answer I may not have been bold enough to tell you, but that I’m willing to share with all the tens of Denisonian readers.

Yes, I would like to hang out. During the day. And maybe get to know you.

But to answer your other question: no, I would not like to come hook-up with you.